I still call Australia…ripe for exploitation

After a long absence from my homeland due to a thing, I decided to inflict my presence upon my family and friends as to remind them why they celebrated my relocation to the United States.

As I am not only an Arsehole but also a status-obsessed Arsehole, I sought to maximise the status earn with my currently preferred airline program, and said program happens to be associated with oneworld.

This lead to me flying with Qantas on my journey home.

And then the problems started.

You’ll be checked through (I wasn’t)

Flying from the part of the US I live in to the part of Australia I did live in involves at least one connection. One of LAX, SFO, or DFW and possibly one of BNE or SYD as well.

For this particular trip, the quagmire of LAX was to be inflicted upon my person – I prepared myself and was convinced I was ready for that which was to come.

Alas, I was not.

Upon checking in at my home airport, I was given a boarding pass, with the emphasis on the singular. I was told I’d need to find and tackle a mythical LAX-based Qantas staffer for my onward boarding pass. When I asked why this was the case, the staffer at the partner airline check-in counter motioned that I should move on, and that no managers were available. I went after said airline separately (and that’s a post for another day). To quote my beloved mother, I had just witnessed “A shitshow at the fuck factory”

Upon landing at LAX and moving through the underground awfulness that “connects” the “terminals”, I arrived at the oneworld Business Class lounge at TBIT only to be met with more ridiculousness. 

The Qantas staff (Qantas operates said lounge), upon being presented with my only boarding pass, a summary of the situation thus far, and printed itinerary started asking ridiculous questions:

• Why don’t you have your other boarding pass?
• Are you sure you have the right flight?
• Have you called your travel agent? (this was booked direct – no travel agent was involved).

A staffer buggered off with my passport for 10 minutes for some reason, only to return and provide me with an onward boarding pass that…had changed my seat assignment for no reason that could be articulated – instead of being closest to the window in Business Class, I was now closest to the aisle (Qantas have a weird seat layout). 

I questioned this and, in what seems to be the fashion of Qantas proles, an inept manager blames one of their staff for executing a task as prescribed, and displayed about as much ownership as a Catholic priest of the bloke he promised to love forever after dumping a load of swimmers in him the night before.

And then things became worse…

I headed toward the gate, and signage was grossly inadequate – only after 25 minutes as I able to see the First/Business/Oneworld Emerald boarding line due to the ineptitude of the Qantas staffers. 

Upon being seated on the plane, I was asked which mean I’d prefer. The options included a meal involving a chicken breast, that I opted for. 

Said “breast” was delivered with a bone present.

I also heard one of the staffers insist that another Business Class passenger should not opt for dessert as to “keep her figure”.

And then I brought this up with Qantas…

Qantas staff are disempowered and/or ignorant 

When I brought these issues up, the responses were:

• We’re sorry you feel that way
• We’ve given you 5,000 Qantas points – go away (they had given me nothing)
• You are wrong (even in the face of photographic evidence)

Finally…

After holding Qantas staff to account, calling out their laziness, lies, and refusal to engage, 20,000 Qantas points landed in my QFF account.

I’ll call that a victory.